The tale of my sagging crotch!

Because my thighs got so cold yesterday when I went out, even though I had a thick pair of denim jeans on, I thought I would be better prepared today especially as the winds are quite brisk and biting. When I woke up and opened the curtains there was a light covering of snow and I had intended to get a couple of Christmas presents today.
After having a shower I burrowed through my drawers and found a pair of thick, elastic opaque tights that are supposed to prevent varicose veins that I had bought several years ago but couldn't remember wearing them very often. I don't normally wear tights under my jeans but in the absence of long drawers or similar I decided that these might keep my thighs warm.
After breakfast I set off well wrapped up and feeling quite cosy despite the wind trying to blow straight through me. Although the pavements were just covered with snow it was fairly easy to walk and not that slippery, which meant that I didn't have to work at staying upright and so could relax and walk normally.
As I got closer to the shops I became aware that my bum and legs were beginning to feel as though I had been doing a lot of exercise in the gym and I thought my jeans were starting to slide down but I couldn't do anything about it so carried on.
On the way home things got more uncomfortable so as soon as I was through the front door I took off my outer clothes and went upstairs to re-adjust the rest. It was when I took off my jeans that I discovered the problem. The crotch of the tights was about three inches below where it should have been and if I hadn't been wearing jeans I dread to think of what might have happened. So I took the tights off and exchanged them for a pair of knee highs and thick socks. When I looked at the tights lying on the floor they seemed to be a very odd shape so I picked them up and spread them on the bed.
Now I could see the problem! From waist to crotch they measured the same as the legs which is alright if you have an inside leg of twenty four inches and a waist to crotch depth of the same dimensions. This, together with the elastication, caused my discomfort and gave me the answer as to why I hadn't worn them for so long.
They've gone in the bin now but I suppose I should be thankful that my legs have had a work out, my bum is tight and pert and I don't have a sagging crotch after all!