I have declared WAR!

Yes! That's right. I have had enough. From today I have declared war on all the seagulls and pigeons in our area. I am absolutely fed up with them spraying their guano and pigeon poop all over the car, the pavements and ME!
Because it's the spring, the seagulls have come back into the city to rear their young but this year their numbers are even greater. We probably have more seagulls in this city than they have at any seaside or port. The pigeons are on the increase too because they have been driven away from the new shopping area as the management have employed a falconer who regularly patrols the perimeter with his sparrow hawks and peregrine falcons.
However, everywhere else is fair game to them. The seagulls have hit several cars in our road today, including mine and one also scored a direct hit on my shoulder this morning as I was on my way to the farmer's market. Luckily I was only fifty yards up the road so I came home to change and put my stinking top in to soak while I went out.
Then as I make my way over to the centre I pass under some trees where there is a burger van parked and I have to pick up my shopping trolley and pick my way through the disgusting deposits on the pavement. When I come home I very often get the stuff stuck on my trolley wheels so I always have a large wad of kitchen towel by the door so that I can wipe the wheels before bringing the trolley inside.
Around the old shopping area, the council have now put up notices to say that if anyone is caught throwing food on the ground for pigeons or seagulls, they could be fined £250 but I don't think this is anywhere near enough. Besides, I always thought seagulls ate fish, but this lot seem to prefer fast food. As for the ferile pigeons, I won't even tell you what I've seen them eating off the pavements, especially on a Saturday morning!
As far as I'm concerned, they are all filthy pests and carry goodness knows what diseases so they should all be shot.